Putting an END to Mommy Wars (Blossoming Mommy + Baby Style!)
I asked you Mommas on Instagram to share one question you wanted me to answer and out of the bunch, this one kept replaying in my mind…. “Dear Jenni, how do you advise on ending Mommy wars?”
PS: If you’re on the go today, no worries! I got you girl. Grab some coffee and listen in to this blog on our podcast show on iTunes- you’ll love it!)!
So, what are Mommy Wars?
Honestly, I’m not sure if there’s a technical term for this and I’m not about to do research on it… so here’s my thought process. As a new (or seasoned Mom), literally the moment you give birth (and ALLLLL the years to follow), you and I are faced with questions and decisions to make for our children and our family. Here are a few “questions” I faced right away, let me know if any of them are something you’ve gone through as well (hint…. we ALL HAVE )
Sleep versus co sleep
Vaccines or no vaccines
Work out of the home or work in the home
Wear your baby or not
Daycare or no daycare
Breastfeeding or formula fed
Sleep training or no sleep training
THE. LIST. GOES. ON.
In my honest opinion, “Mommy Wars” are mothers casting judgement on other Mothers. From there, feuds can break out (whether silent or not), tensions can rise, and overall discontentment with oneself and others can partake.
Now the question is, how do you recognize this in your own life? Whether you’re heading out the door late for church (again), or changing your babe into his third onesie (Um, hello…this is my life!), we’re all just trying to do our best and that’s what I want YOU to embrace. Below you’ll find my TOP TIPS for ending Momma Wars in your walk, ONCE AND FOR ALL.(Pssst.. fore more tips for living as a healthy fam, grab access too all of our healthy family recipes here!)
But Mommas… I don’t want us to end here. I want this to BE A MOVEMENT. Share this post and podcast with at least 2 Momma friends. And if you’re on the receiving end, please do the same! It’s little action steps like “clicking share” and digesting this content, then applying it to our lives that will MAKE A DIFFERENCE. AFTER YOU SHARE, come hang with me on Instagram and let’s Mom TRIBE together.
The 5 Essentials for Putting an END to Mommy Wars (Blossoming Mommy + Baby Style!)
Chill, Girl. We’re all just trying to do our BEST.
With Pinterest, Instagram, and Facebook at our fingertips, it’s easier now than ever to watch, observe, and possibly even obsess over how other people live their lives. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is obviously unhealthy and can cause women like yourself to not only judge other Mommas but to also judge yourself. Take out social media and this mentality still goes for our Momma or community circles. Whether a toddler is having an EPIC meltdown in the parking lot of Target or a Momma is on the verge of tears and short with her hubby (maybe that Momma is you?) over household work, we’re all just trying to do our best. Let’s face it, Motherhood is HARD, but it’s also the best job in the world. So, I’m going to encourage you shift your mindset. Instead of trying to keep up with any of the Kardashians or Sally on social media, (don’t even get me started on Pinterest themed living #hugme), take a deep breath. Relax. Re-focus. And tune into what’s most important in YOUR WALK. Not your friends. Not your sisters. Not your Mommas. Wake up each morning with the mindset that it is going to be a GREAT DAY, even with the ups and downs. Even with the tantrums. Even with the sleep deprivation (more coffee please). Like I said, this journey is hard, but your are equipped for it, Momma! Chill. Do your best and the rest will follow. (For an EXTRA Momma Boost, perk up that mental health of yours inside G+G!)
You can BE CURIOUS, just not CRITICAL
Let me just start off with an instant biblical truth bomb for you… “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?… Matthew 7:3-5(NIV) Mommas, listen, it’s OKAY to be curious about how other Mommas do life! In fact, that’s how we learn a new thing or two and maybe even how we grow! But what’s not okay is your decision to be critical. Look what the bible teaches us. How can we judge someone else when WE have issues too? Listen. No one’s perfect. Negative or hurtful opinions about how other people should parent are best kept to yourself, or better yet, discarded. Remember, everyone is raised differently and with different life experiences, values, and morals. I want you to re-harness the energy you would expand to judge others back into yourself and the betterment of your family.
Be CONFIDENT in your decisions
Now, what happens when you are on the receiving end of judgment or harsh opinions? This, my friend is where your mental game is going to come in STRONG. How you respond to this experience is key. Basically you have two choices. First- you can throw your hands up in the air while experiencing rage, anger, frustration, tears, and you might even question your parenting abilities……OR you can receive the message, discuss it with your husband, pray about it, and confidently make the decision that is best for you and your family. Be humble enough to change if that is what’s best for your family or if you feel like you’re being led to do so…. but I also want you to have a backbone. Be strong enough in your faith and parenting style if it best fits the needs of your family. (Ready to make the best decision post baby? Join Blossom After Baby, The Postnatal Method today!)
Embrace the Imperfections
Life is messy. Motherhood is messy…. and if I can be real honest, the house is maybe sometimes always…. MESSY. So how we can chill out as Mommas and learn to embrace the imperfections of this crazy, imperfect journey called momma hood? Honestly, gals it comes down to a shift in your mindset. This is something that used to be SO HARD for me as a type A, OCD type person. I had a plan and a list (that was color coded if I might add ) for everything! And then motherhood happened. AND I had to become a lot more flexible. My expectations, my productivity level, everything that I was used to getting done in a certain amount of time CHANGED. And that change was hard but necessary. Same goes for you. Embrace the imperfections of YOUR journey. Don’t worry about the imperfections of those around you and JUST BREATHE. It’s all going to work out. Focus on being present and a happy, healthy Momma for your kiddos. Play Legos for an extra 20 minutes. Snuggle in bed just a little longer. Be okay if smudgy hands get on the windows…. YOUR PERIOD TO BE A MOMMA to littles is short so learn to enjoy EVERY MINUTE- even the hard ones.
Restore + Strengthen
FINALLY. My last tip for you is this, RESTORE AND STRENGTHEN those Mommas around you. Doesn’t social media and our world have enough darkness and judgment? From politics to other hot topics, it’s time that we as Mommas take back our nurturing roles. Instead of spewing harsh words or thoughts towards others, let’s learn how to restore, uplift, encourage, and cheer on other Moms. Be honest, we all need it! So be that light. Be that cheerleader. Be that safe, soft voice of encouragement, even when you don’t see eye to eye. When you share your touch of encouragement with those Mommas around you, a breath of fresh air is received. Grace is shared. Relationships are strengthened. Homes are changed. Be a light, Momma. To yourself and those around you.
Whew. That was deep. But so needed. I hope you LOVED reading these juicy tips as much as I enjoyed sharing them with you. If you did, please click share to send to your tribe. Let’s change the way Mommas do life together, ladies. It really does start with you.
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