Creating a Strong + Healthy Marriage after Having Kids (What We've Learned!)
If you’re on the go today, no worries! I got you girl. Grab some coffee and listen in to this blog on our podcast show on iTunes- you’ll love it!)
Hey there my darlings!
Today I’ve got a super inspiring piece for you and am SO thankful so many of you have requested this topic for me to teach on. You mamas know better than anyone how much life changes after having children. Before Brody was born, Brian and I thought we had this whole parenting thing down… Boy were we in for a huge surprise!
We learned quickly that if we do not prioritize and protect our marriage, no one will. This is my hearts’ greatest desire for YOU today, Momma! (Grab even more insightful tips on healthy living AFTER BABY here!)
Tip #1: Stop Scorekeeping!
Whether you are working in the home, out of the home, or a combination of both, the bottom line is there’s always household chores, diapers, bills, HEALTHY MEALS, and groceries to manhandle.So who does what? How do we navigate parenthood in a way that is serving to everyone and the home? This mindset kicked my booty for the first month of Brody’s life, Mommas. I couldn’t figure out why things weren’t getting done and found myself frustrated and exhausted by the end of the day. Even worse, I began comparing “what I had done”…. with what Brian had done. #yuck Mommas listen. It’s not about scorekeeping! I suggest you having an open conversation with your husband about who does what chores and what the expectations are. Learn to be flexible, as some days you will be more productive than others, but the bottom line is that you have GOT to have clear communication with your hubby! You are both working extremely hard to keep your family safe, healthy, and happy! So honor that! Bottom line: have clear communication and expectations of each other (in a realistic manner). Be able to flex when needed and girlfriend… leave the NAGGING at the door! You’re a T-E-A-M! (More on scorekeeping… yikes!)
Tip #2: Make time for each other!
I know firsthand that spending time with your spouse after having a baby can seem like the last thing you want to do… BUT, it’s absolutely vital for keeping a home grounded and secure. Your children will see your relationship with your husband as an example of what marriage should be. If you are not taking time to cultivate a loving marriage inside your home, who will be? The less time you spend together, the further you will drift apart. (Can you see why this tip is so important?) Pick one or two days every month or if you are super tenacious pick a day once a week to go on a date with your spouse. Learn to connect together again! Focus on your passions, commitments, and adventures as a couple! When your marriage is strong in the home, it positively impacts everyone in it and those in your community!
Tip #3: REST + Play
This has been LIFE CHANGING since having Brody. When do we rest and when do we play?? Honestly, Mommas… this is on YOU. You have to define your schedule and what it looks like for your family. If you have sick kiddos, then cozy in and REST together. Recharge. Watch a good movie. Read books. Bake together…. learn to slow down if your home needs it. AND.. on the other hand… make sure you’re creating time to PLAY! Life shouldn’t stop just because you have a child(ren). Get out and play together as a family! Go on adventures, hike, vacation, SPLISH SPLASH at a waterpark! Whatever it means for your family to play… GO PLAY! This is truly how bonds and life long memories are intimately created (Tip: Don’t compare your play or rest to others… this is how MOMMY WARS begin)
Tip #4: STOP NAGGING
Okay, so much truth here! But you knew it was coming I want you to become more self-aware. When you feel yourself starting to compare your life to others online or when you start piling up the laundry list of tasks your husband hasn’t completed yet… STOP yourself! Identify this nagging behavior and call it out. Then, shift your focus to what has been done, what NEEDS to be done, and what can WAIT. Put yourself in your husband’s shoes… how would you feel if you talked to yourself the way you nagged him? Perspective, Momma! Self-awareness is your first step in learning to switch a nagging conversation to a respectable conversation where both parties can agree on what needs to get completed and when.(MASTER SELF-AWARENESS, Anxiety, Depress, and Negative Thinking!!)
Tip #5: BOUNDARIES
Lastly, let’s chat boundaries! These are SO important if you want to keep your home sane and on the same page. Boundaries can mean different things for different people and you’ll need to define what boundaries need to be set in YOUR life. Bottom line, boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships with people and things around you. A few areas you may want to consider for establishing healthy boundaries include:
Other family members
Extra curricular activities
There you have it, Mommas! I hope you are SO inspired to take action on YOUR marriage today! If you are, let me know and please share with a friend! I’d love to hear from you via the comments below or over on INSTAGRAM! PSSST! Don’t forget, sister! You can listen in to this blog over on iTunes (are you subscribed to the show?)